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学会情绪管理 远离鸡飞狗跳

发布时间:2019-12-05 作者:本报记者 杨咏梅 来源:中国教育报

曾经有一条刷屏朋友圈的“通知”,模仿老师的口气叮嘱家长:愿你们母慈子孝、不要鸡飞狗跳。早饭记得烧,作业耐心教。谈话要和蔼,逆反不能叫,交流总微笑。请牢记,没有教不好的孩子,只有不会教的父母,不能体罚和变相体罚孩子哦!

    谈话要和蔼、交流总微笑,不管发生什么情况都要管理好自己的情绪,怎么能做到呢?在中国教育报家庭教育公开课上,北京爱加倍关爱家庭促进中心创始人钱红林和首都师范大学家庭教育研究中心副主任李文道,围绕“家长如何管理好自己的情绪”,给出了自己的建议。

感觉到情绪失控时 立刻按下暂停键

ZAIZHONGGUOCHUANTONGWENHUADEYUJINGZHONG,YOUGUANQINGXUBIAODACHANGJIANDEFENLEIDAZHISHI“XINUAILECHOUKU”,ERXIFANGXINLIXUEBAQINGXUFENLEIXIHUADAOJISHIZHONG。DUIYUBUSHIZHUANYERENSHIDEJIAZHANGLAISHUO,YUERGUOCHENGZHONGRUHERENSHIZIJIDEQINGXUNI?

QIANHONGLINYISHANGHAI17SUISHAONIANHEMAMAFASHENGZHENGZHISHITIAOXIALUPUDAQIAODEBEIJUWEILI,TIXINGJIAZHANG“GANJUEDAOQINGXUSHIKONGSHIYAOLIKEANXIAZANTINGJIAN,FANSHIYIHOUZAITAN,ZHEISHITANHUAJIQIAO,GENGSHIQINGXUGUANLIDEJIQIAO”。

“QINGCHUNQIDEHAIZIQINGXUTEBIERONGYICHONGDONG,JIAZHANGZAISHIBIEQINGXUZHIQIAN,DIYIBUSHIJUECHAZIJIDEQINGXU。”QIANHONGLINSHUOERZISHANGXIAOXUESHITAQINGXUJINGCHANGZHUAKUANG,ZONGJUEDEHAIZIDABUDAOZIJIDEQIDAI。DAOHAIZIQINGCHUNQISHI,QINGXUKONGZHIFANERHAOLE,“YINWEI《RANGHAIZIZIXINGUOYISHENG》ZHEIBENSHUGAIBIANLEWODEYUERGUAN,QINGXUGUANLIDEQIANTISHIRENKEHAIZIDUTEDEJIAZHI,ERBUSHIANZHAOZIJIDEXIANGFAKONGZHIHAIZI。”

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“DANAOFAYUDEDIERGEJIEDUANSHIQINGGANNAO,DISANGEJIEDUANSHIZHANGGUANFENXISIWEI、LUOJITUILI、WENTIJIEJUEDENGNENGLIDESIWEINAO。”LIWENDAOSHUO,ZHIDAOLEDANAOYUNZUODEYUANLISHICONGSHENGLIDAOQINGXUZAIDAOSIWEIHOU,JIUKEYILIYONGZHEIGEYUANLI,“YUNYONGSIWEINAOCAINENGGENGHAODIKONGZHIQINGXU。”

JIEHEZIJICONGZHUAKUANGDAODANDINGDEJINGYAN,QIANHONGLINRENWEIMEIYOUQINGXUDEJUECHA,JIUMEIYOUCONGSHENGLINAODAOQINGGANNAO、RENZHINAODEZHUANHUAN。TASHUO:“DANGRENQINGXUKAISHISHIKONGDESHIHOU,WANGWANGHUIXINTIAOJIASU、SHENGDIAOTIGAO、HUXIJICU。DANZHENZHENGKONGZHIQINGXUDEGUANJIAN,SHIDIAOZHENGLINIANHESIWEIMOSHI。”

QIANHONGLINYONGMEIGUOXINLIXUEJIAAERBOTE·AILISICHUANGJIANDEQINGXUABCLILUNFENXISHUO,BUHELIDEXINNIANSHIRENCHANSHENGQINGXUKUNRAO。YIBANQINGKUANGXIA,RENMENHUIRENWEI“WOSHENGQI”(C)SHIYINWEI“HAIZIBUHAO”(A),DANQINGXUABCLILUNRENWEI,SHENGQIDEYUANYINBUSHIHAIZIERSHIXINNIAN(B)。TASHUO:“QINGXUDEGENYUANBUZAIBIEREN,ERSHIZAIYUNIZIJI。TONGYANGDESHIQING,DIAOZHENGLEXINNIAN,JIUHUIYOUBUTONGDEFANYING、BUTONGDEJIEGUO。”

LIWENDAOYEFEICHANGRENTONG“WENTIBUSHIWENTI,NIRUHEKANWENTICAISHIWENTI”。TASHUO:“GAIBIANXINNIANFEICHANGZHONGYAO。YOUQINGXUBUSHIZUIGUO,DANQINGXUBUJIAKONGZHIDAOZHIBUHAODEJIEGUO,JIUCHENGLEWENTI。”

社会情绪能力比智力还重要

CHULEQINGXUDEZIWOJUECHA,NENGMINGANDIJUECHADAOBIERENDEQINGXU,KANCHENGRENJIJIAOWANGDEZHIHUI。LIWENDAOJUZIJIDELIZIXIAOYAN:“ZAIQINGXUJUECHAFANGMIAN,NANXINGPIANRUO,YOUSHIZHIJIANSHITIXINGSHIBUGOUDE,SHENZHIXUYAOFANFUMINGSHI。”

QINGXUSHIHUICHUANRANDE,HUIZAIRENQUNZHONGXIANGDUOMINUOGUPAIYIYANGCHUANDI,JIUXIANG“TIMAOXIAOYING”DEGUSHI——LAOBANXUNYUANGONG,AIXUNDEYUANGONGHUIJIAXUNZIJIDETAITAI,TAITAIZHUANSHENXUNERZI,ERZISHENGQIDITILEMAOYIJIAO,BEITIDEMAOPAODAOMALUSHANGHENGCHONGZHIZHUANG,JIEGUODAOZHISHIGUODECHELIANGJICHACHE,FASHENGCHEHUODEJIUSHILAOBAN。

QIANHONGLINRENWEI,RENDEQINGXUHUISHOUDAOHUANJINGJIOURANYINSUDEYINGXIANG,XIANDAISHEHUIGONGZUOYUSHENGHUODEYALIYUELAIYUEDA,JINGZHENGYUELAIYUEJILIE,HENRONGYIDAOZHIRENMENDEQINGXUBUWENDING。“YIBANERYAN,DANGRENDEQINGXUBIANHUAISHI,SHOUQIANYISHIQUSHIHUIXUANZECHAOXIANGRUOZHEFAXIE,BEIQINGXUGONGJIDERENYOUHUIQUXUNZHAOXIAYIGECHUQITONG,JIUHUIXINGCHENGYITIAOQINGXIDEFENNUCHUANDILIANTIAO,ZUIZHONGDECHENGSHOUZHE(MAO)SHIZUIRUOXIAODEQUNTI,BEIPOCHENGSHOUDUOGEQUDAODENUQI。”

“RUGUOBUNENGJISHIDIAOZHENGBIERENDEXIAOJIQINGXUDAIJIZIJIDEFUMIANYINGXIANG,JIUHUISHENBUYOUJIDIJIARUDAOTIMAODEXINGLIEZHONG——BEIBIERENTI、TIBIEREN。”QIANHONGLINRENWEIZHEIGELIANSUOFANYINGSHIKEYIZHONGZHIDE,“BIRUKEYIZHEIYANGFANSI,TADUIWOFAHUOSHITADEWENTI,WOBUXUYAOWEITADEWENTIFUZE,WOMEIYOUQUANLIDUIBIERENFAHUO。”

QIANHONGLINSHUO:“HENDUOSHIHOUFUMUDUIHAIZIFAHUOBINGFEIHAIZIDEYUANGU,HAIZIHENWUGUDE。FUMUYAOXUEXILIJIEZIJIHETARENDEQINGXU,YAOJINGCHANGFANSI,ZUOHUAIQINGXUZHONGZHIZHE。”DANGHAIZIDEXIANGFAGENZIJIBUYIZHISHI,QIANHONGLINJIANYIFUMUDEXINZHIYAO“GENGXINDIEDAI”,“GAIBIANZIJI,BUQIANGXINGYAOQIUHAIZIGAIBIAN,ERSHIGENGDUODIJIENA,YUHAIZIGONGQING”。

DANGSHUANGFANGQINGXUDOUSHIKONGSHI,LIWENDAODEJINGYANSHIZHUDONGCHECHU,LIKAIXIANCHANG,BIRUQUXIAOQUSANSANBUDENG。TAHAIJIANYIBUBAGONGZUOZHONGDEHUAIQINGXUDAIHUIJIA,JINMENQIANKEYIXIANZHENGLIYIXIAZIJIDEQINGXU。

LEJIEHEKONGZHIZIJIDEQINGXU、LEJIETARENQINGXUDENENGLI,BEINAOKEXUEJIACHENGWEISHEHUIQINGXUNENGLI。LIWENDAORENWEISHEHUIQINGXUNENGLIBIZHILIHAIZHONGYAO,FUMUYAOYUNXUHAIZIBIAODAQINGXU,BUYAOGUODUYAYI。“YOUQINANHAIDEFUMU,BUYAOYONG‘NANERYOULEIBUQINGDAN’DESHUOFAGUODUYAYIHAIZIDEQINGXU。QINGXUBUSHIHONGSHUIMENGSHOU,HAIZIYOUZIJIDEQINGXUBIAODAFANGSHI。FUMUYAOGULIHAIZIBIAODAQINGXU,TONGSHIXUEHUIKONGZHIQINGXU。”

HENDUOJIAZHANGFEICHANGGUANZHUHAIZIDEXUEXICHENGJI,FAPIQIDADUOSHIYINWEIHAIZIDEKAOSHIFENSHUBULIXIANG,MEIYOUYISHIDAOZIJISHIZAIJIHAIZIZUOSHEHUIQINGXUNENGLIDESHIFAN。QIANHONGLINJIANYIFUMUDUOYONG“WO”ZIJUGENHAIZIGOUTONG,BUYAOLAOSHUO“NI”ZIJU。“YINWEI‘NI’ZIJUCHANGCHANGSHIWEIZHUANGDEZHIZE,ZHIXIANGDUIFANGDEXINGWEIGEXING,RONGYIXIANRUZHIZEHEPINGPANZHONG,RANGDUIFANGGANJUEHENBUHAO。”

“SHUOHUAYI‘NI’KAITOU,YEBURONGYIRANGHAIZILIJIEFUMUDEGANSHOU。”QIANHONGLINSHUO,“DANGWOMENHEHAIZISHUOSHENMESHIQINGDOUYONG‘WO’KAITOU,SHUOHUAGUOCHENGZHONGBUPINGPANDUIFANG,XUEHUIBIAODAZIJIDEXINSHENG,YEXUEHUIQINGTINGDUIFANGDEGANSHOU。MANMANDI,HAIZIJIUGENNIXUEHUILESHIDUBIAODAQINGXU。”

“家和万事兴”意味着不带攻击性地表达情绪

XIANZAIHENDUOJIATINGDOUSHIZUBEICANYUSUNBEIDEJIAOYANG,YOUYUJIAOYULINIANBUYIYANG,ZAOCHENGJIALIMAODUNDIEJIA。ZAIZHEIZHONGFUZADEQINGKUANGXIA,RUHEZUODAOJIAHEWANSHIXING,YIJIARENGAIZENMEXIANGCHUNI?

LIWENDAOFENXIANGLETAMENHEYUEFUYUEMUDUANQIJUZHUZAIYIQIDEJINGLI。TASHUO,LIANGBEIRENJINGCHANGZAIHAIZICHIFANDEWENTISHANGFASHENGMAODUN,“ZUIHOUJIUSHITUOXIE,WORANGYIBUNIRANGYIBU,ZUIHOUDACHENGGONGSHI:LAORENKEYITIXINGHAIZICHIFAN,DANSHICHIBUCHIRANGHAIZIZIJIJUEDING”。

LIWENDAORENWEI,CHUANTONGDE“JIAHEWANSHIXING”SHIKAOREN、HOUTUI、TUOXIE、TUIRANGLAISHIXIANDE,“SHIJISHANGNEISHIQINGXUDEYAYI,BULIANGQINGXUDUIJISHIJIANZHANGLE,ZUIHOUBUZAICHENMOZHONGBAOFA、JIUZAICHENMOZHONGBIANTAI。QINGXUBENSHENMEIYOUWENTI,RUHEBIAODACAISHIWENTI”。

RUHEBIAODAJIRANGQINGXUBUYAYIYOUBURANGBIERENNANSHOUNI?LIWENDAORENWEI,ZHENZHENGDEJIAHEWANSHIXING,ZHISHAOMEIGECHENGYUANDOUKEYIZIYOUBIAODAQINGXU,BINGQIESHIBUDAIGONGJIXINGDIBIAODAQINGXU。“QINGXUBIAODAZHIYAODUIZIJIWUHAI、DUITARENWUHAI,JIUSHIYIZHONGSHIHEDEFANGSHI。MEIGERENSHIHEDEQINGXUXUANXIEFANGSHIBUYIYANG,BUDAIGONGJIXINGSHIBIAODAQINGXUDEDIXIAN。”

“WUDUANDICHAOBIERENFAXIEQINGXU,SHIDUIBIERENDEBUGONG,SHEIYEMEIYOUQUANLINEIMEZUO。”QIANHONGLINYERENTONGQINGXUXUYAOBEIBIAODA、BEICHULI,“QINGXUSHIBUKEYAYIDE,MEIYOUBEICHULI、BEIBIAODADEQINGXUHENKENENGXINGCHENGCHUANGSHANG。”TARENWEIYUNDONGDUANLIANSHIBIAODAQINGXUZUIHAODEFANGSHI,BIRUZAIYANGGUANGXIAZOULU、ZUOBANXIAOSHICAO,XIEZUOYESHITEBIEHAODEFANGSHI,“BAXINLIDENANSHOUXIEXIALAI,QINGXUJIUBIAODACHULAILE”。

CHULEYUNDONGHEXIEZUO,QIANHONGLINHAITEBIEJIESHAOLEYIZHONGYUZIJIDUIHUADEFANGFA:“BIRUZIJIZUOZAIZHEIER,DUIMIANSHIYIGEKONGYIZI,XIANGXIANGNEISHIZHENGZAINANSHOUDEWO,WOJIUWEN‘NIYOUSHENMENANSHOU?’‘NIXIWANGSHENME?’RANHOUCHANGSHIBADUIHUAXIEXIALAI,NEIJIANSHIQINGZHENDEJIUJIEJUELE。”

“HAIZIYOUQINGXUDESHIHOU,QISHISHIFUMUPEIYANGQINGXUQINGGANHEQINGSHANGDEZUIHAOSHIJI。”QIANHONGLINQIANGDIAOZHENGGEJIATINGDOUYAOLIYONGZHEIGESHIJIQUSHIBIEQINGXU、BIAODAQINGXU,NULITISHENGXINZHI,GENGHAODIJIEJUEQINZIGOUTONGZHONGDEQINGXUWENTI。

3D跨度走势图《ZHONGGUOJIAOYUBAO》2019NIAN12YUE05RIDI9BAN 

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